Film Review - Friday The 13th (2009)

Starring - Jared Padalecki, Danielle Panabaker, Aaron Yoo, Willa Ford | Directed by Marcus Nispel | New Line Cinema DVD WS R 106min 2009

Review By Xmortis

Jason Voorhees is back and is looking for a bloody good time! But to this reviewer's sadness, this bloodbath was a Michael Bay produced remake cash in crap-fest!

The film opens in 1980 with Pamela Voorhees hunting down a young woman, but the victim becomes the murderer and beheads the crazed old lady. As she runs to safety, a young Jason comes to his mother's side. Twelve years later, a group of friends (some who are looking for a pot field) are murdered by the bagheaded killer. Jason murders them in horrific ways that include bear traps and roasting alive over a campfire. All but one is killed, and that's Whitney who is kidnapped and chained to a bed in Jason's underground hideout because he thinks she looks like his mother when she was younger. A month later, Clay Miller is looking for his missing sister and runs into Jenna and her boyfriend Trent at the local store and shares some words with one another. At Trent's lake-side cabin things are going well as the friends are having a great time drinking and smoking weed. Clay is going door to door to find out what he can about his sister and finds out that the locals are not very nice people. After ending up at Trent's door (and another exchange of words) Jenna and Clay hit it off and she goes out and helps him search for answers. Meanwhile Jason kills a redneck, gets his famed hockey mask and is now ready for more random acts of violence. After Jenna and Clay spot the masked killer, it's a race to warn her friends of the terror that's coming their way. One by one Jason hunts, stalks and kills Jenna's friends using all types of sharp instruments from knives to screwdrivers and even an axe. Soon only Jenna and Clay are left alive in the cabin. Both escape to find Whitney and together the three try to survive the madman's murderers fury! After the surprise death of Jenna, the brother and sister team are able to stop Jason with the help of a chain and a shredding machine! In the end, there is one more scare at the lake where they drag his body!

First of all, I think Michael Bay and Director Marcus Nispel are hacks that don't give a shit about the films they remake or reboot or whatever the term these guys want to attach to the trash they are spewing out! What a terrible pointless film this is! While some of the moments work for cheap jumps, the writing and most the acting is just terrible! I'm not sure why they make it seem like Jason is some kind of pissed off pot farmer who is killing people because they are getting to close to his stash. Much like Nispsl's Texas Chainsaw Massacre, this film is all about the weed. There are even two characters that come off as Harold and Kumar. Now that's fucking lame! The film is packed with enough nudity and gore to keep most horror fans happy, but that's about all it has going for it. Jason Voorhees is more like Rambo than the classic killer of the 80's that most of us grew up loving. It doesn't bother me that he is fast moving; what blows my mind is all the traps he sets are with perfect precision. The ending of the film is so fucking lame and makes no sense. Tell me why they would untangle the chain from the machine and drag an over 200 pound man to the lake to throw him in? It makes no sense to me! This film makes me feel like "The Angry Video Game Nerd" and makes me want to scream about what's wrong with Hollywood these days. Crappy story, shitty characters, too many pot references and a Rambo Jason is why I think this film should be burned at the stake.

The DVD has some extras like deleted scenes, a featurette about remaking Jason and trailers. The DVD cover is pretty sweet with a blue tinted picture of Jason.

While I am not a fan of remakes, there are good ones being made. It's sad that this isn't one of them! This is the worst in the Friday the 13th series of films, and I hope Hollywood wakes up soon and stops these remakes/reboots looking past Bay and giving really original horror films a try. I say this is a waste of time!

I didn't hate this film because it's a remake. There have been tons of films I've liked recently that were remakes, such as Rob Zombie's Halloween and even The Dawn of The Dead remake. I hate this film is because it's soulless and nothing more than a paycheck for Michael Bay.