Film Review - Blade Trinity

Starring - Wesley Snipes, Jessica Biel, Ryan Reynolds, Dominic Purcell | Directed by David Goyer | New Line DVD WS Not Rated 123 min 2005

Review By Eric Shonborn

Blade returns and teams up with a new group of young vampire hunters, The Nightstalkers. A new threat has risen as a clan of vampires have developed yet another plan to become Daywalkers by resurrecting the King of Vampires - Dracula.

As Blade Trinity progresses my mood changed drastically from bored and disinterested to angry, and back to bored. It also seems like everyone involved in the movie were going through the same emotions. Aside from a few brief scenes, Wesley Snipes seems miserable for his third outing as Blade. According to rumors and reports at the time, Snipes and writer/director David Goyer were at each other's throats during the entire production, eventually filing a lawsuit against the studio. Personally, I'm on Snipes' side. After two fantastic films, for the third movie to fall so far is ridiculous. As a viewer, I can only blame David Goyer, the writer of the previous installments, making his feature film directorial debut with Trinity. Looking up Goyer's credits, he has had a hand in a lot of terrible movies, including two other films he directed - The Invisible, and The Unborn. However, he's also the screenwriter of the Christopher Nolan Batman films, two critically acclaimed and financial successful movies. I think the evidence stacks up that Goyer needs a dominant personality to keep him in check - like Nolan or the previous Blade film directors Guillermo Del Toro and Stephen Norrington - and mine his talent. Unchecked, we wind up with Blade Trinity, a mish-mash of scenes and set-ups excised from the previous films, the introduction of a potential spin-off, and the indulgences of a first-time director out to prove himself.

There are tell-tale signs of how much of a mess this movie is, with three cuts floating around, three different endings, a tacked-on voice-over, the unnecessary inclusion of the Esperanto language, scenes that don't fit into the structure of the film, forgotten characters, cliche dialogue, etc. For a movie that has a ton of actors that are normally quite good, it's also pretty telling when a wrestler (Triple H) pulls off one of the better, more memorable performances in the film. The only actor who comes off as even remotely making an effort is Ryan Reynolds, whose Hannibal King is a wise-cracking, hilarious bad-ass. Reynolds has become a house-hold name since Trinity, and this is the first time I'd ever seen him in anything. The guy has definitely grown as a performer a thousand-fold, and everyone reading this should definitely check out his movie Buried. That he did not get nominated for any major acting awards for that film is an absolute crime. Unfortunately for Reynolds and Triple H, no one else seems to give a damn. Snipes, Jessica Biel (gorgeous and kick-ass, but bland), James Remar, Callum Keith Rennie, Parker Posey, John Michael Higgins, Eric Bogosian, Patton Oswalt, Natasha Lyonne, and Dominic Purcell as Dracula all recite the tired, trite script with either as much enthusiasm as a speck of dust, or like a scenery chewing ham-fisted ACTOR! (Imagine Jon Lovitz saying it).

The two-disc Unrated DVD is packed with a ton of features including two commentaries, the theatrical cut, alternate endings, deleted scenes, featurettes, and a gag reel. But why bother?

Seriously, avoid this movie. In fact, I'll spoil the only worthwhile thing about Blade Trinity so you don't have to waste two hours, and that is Ryan Reynolds' utterance of the most magically-phrased insult in the history of the written word: Cock-juggling thundercunt.

You're welcome.